Sunday, October 21, 2012

Pimp My Bride

Asalamu Alaykom,

Welcome to "Pimp My Bride"!

It's the show which I apparently host.  I had no idea that the professional man I was doing business with was a guest on the show with me.  I had thought that our interactions were leading towards a job.  Here's the 100% real transcript of recent text messages:

MAN:  Inshalah dear I will try my best Inshahalah I have a question off subject do you do other American Muslim women who are looking for husband

YOSRA:  Yes, but they're all crazy.  I know lovely Egyptian ladies.  Is it for you?  I'm on net now if you want to email specifs.

MAN:  I am looking for a second wife who is divorced with kids that will accept been married in secret and that is foreigner as most foreigner are more honest and straight forward

YOSRA:  B4 looking 4 such a headache, ask yourself if you would want that life for your sis, mom or daughter.

MAN:  You mean the secret marriage or my wife who is victim

YOSRA:  Both.  Would you want either life for them?  If you were their wali would you agree?

MAN:  Do not judge a book from its cover and if that will be better than cheating and at the same time Alah allowed it so if Alah said you can do it then its ok to do it but listen to my story first then you can judge me

YOSRA:  No plz.  I'm not judging n shouldn't hear story.

This man, with his ability to cross professional boundaries and disregard Islamic dictates, has crushed me.  I thought he was an upstanding person.  Now I see that he is a sneak and a cheat.  I see that his low belief in divorced American women with children extends to me.  That is me exactly.

I didn't hear from him today (though he said I would before this series of text messages).  The days go by without me working and (more importantly) without Mr. Boo attending school.  I was counting on him being a man of his word.  When this happened on Thursday, I was really shook.  I doubted a lot of things.

Now, it seems that I have nothing to show for three weeks of waiting and interviewing throughout his school system.  I had thought by pursuing a job with a large network of schools, I wasn't putting all my eggs in one basket.  Turns out that I did just that and the egg's on me.

Once he asked me if I had considered moving to Maadi and getting an apartment there.  I told him that I had considered it but I have an apartment in Giza.

"Do you rent or own?" He asked.

"Own," I answered.  I should have said, "My husband owns."  I should have made that clearer.

I did put my husband on the phone for directions shortly after that call.  I thought it wise on a couple of levels.  I needed to get to their Islamic school.

What a joke!  An Islamic school?!  This man can't even run an Islamic home.

There is a story about a devout Muslim collecting hadiths; stories about the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). He went to the village where there was a man who had said that he had a narration.  Upon approaching the village,  the Muslim man saw a cruel tyrant beating his donkey mercilessly.  THAT was the man he had come to see.  Without even stopping to hear the story, the Muslim man left immediately.  There was no need to listen.  A man who treats others with such disregard was not to be believed or trusted.

I feel the same way in this instance.  I no longer dreamed of holding a job in any of this man's schools.  I grieved the loss of a job, a school for my son and of trust in another Muslim.  For him?  He lost nothing.

Two Muslimah friends expressed surprise that I told my husband what had transpired.  This is the same husband who, on Thursday, beat up a big dude in the street (who had gotten out of his car to attack a motorcyclist).  My husband is not one to suffer silently when it comes to protecting my honor.  Yet, I told him.  I told him because it was hurting me.  If I had been able to let it go...but there's been too much going on this fall and I couldn't.

"I thought the man maybe didn't know you were married," he said.

"That's one reason why I put you on the phone."

"Well, you can't work for him now."

"I can't?"

"No.  It's all done."

And he's right.  I can't.  Not from just my husband's point of view but from mine.  I hate what this man said and did and was trying to do.  He failed me and hurt me.

Of course, it also brought up all these fears that there aren't any normal men in the world.  And beyond that, it makes me wonder where the normal Muslims are.  Or just normal people!  Where are the good people who want to simply live their life, help others and follow God?

I am at a very alone time in this exact moment.  I know it will pass inshahallah but I don't know who I will be on the other side of it.


Marie Vie said...

I can understand how you may feel dear. It seems you can't trust many people nowadays. It is quite scary you are right
I hope soon you will feel better soon. Keeping you all in my prayers. After all you were definitely right to tell your husband all about it. I tend to answer most men questions by "me and my husband"..........yet many feel it's fine to chat and flirt with me, I hate it.

Take care dear. May God helps you find peace and serenity these days.

Anonymous said...

Ofcourse, your husband should know. Not because of social propriety, but because he is your partner, your helpmeet and hopefully your sounding board in making important decisions.
I am sure you will meet good people and also those with bad intentions, wherever in the world you are, never mind what beliefs (or lack thereof) they profess. Some do good, some do bad, and some middling. We take the good, discard the bad and stride on regardless.

Yosra said...

Asalamu Alaykom Marie,

Thanks for reading and commenting. Seems like both of us are old enough to have had a few of these strange moments with men---sadly. And "yes", telling the hub is a must (which became clearer the worse I felt).

I really don't put a lot of trust in people from the get-go. I trust God. However, I thought on a professional level I had a trust with this man. He was guaranteeing me a job from three weeks back. He wasn't sure at which school and in which capacity but he wanted me on board.

Now? Hmmmm...

I'm emailing today.

And if you read my latest post, you'll see that I do feel better. Thanks for prayers and good thoughts.

Love and Light!

Asalamu Alaykom Anonymous,

I appreciate your thoughts.

Ya, I feel that together we are building a life. To hide some key info is a problem---for each of us.

And you're right that good and bad is everywhere. The problem here in Egypt is that men don't THINK they're being bad to us women when they start digging around for a bride...a secret AMERICAN...divorced...with a secret bride. It's seamy.

"Stride Right" make some of the best kids' shoes and make a good motto for me. Yep! I'll stride right on...starting with another day of fasting.

Lastly, please pick a name, if you can, Anonymous. I like to have people as individuals on my blog. This way I can build an understanding of who you are and where you're coming from.


Love and Light!

Bonnie said...

Ugh I have met far too many of these kinds of men Yosra and I am literally amazed that he even imagined that you would say yes! You see this is why I will remain single forever with my fifty cats. Compared to men like him it sounds like a dream come true lol.

Yosra said...

Asalamu Alaykom Bonnie,

LOL! I hope the number of cats is not in double digits yet. You're not old enough for that. I have a Cat Lady game on my sidebar under "Diversions" you should play that. It's got a glimpse of who you could become ;)

I'm not a cat person. I think I'm buying books at my substitute. I have my own man---my hub. But for other "nice" people in the world? No, I'd rather have a book...or a blog. Yes, just seal me into my home and I'll be OK...for a while.

Dang! I hate being an extrovert without enough outlets for my energy!

Invite me to New Zealand!

I should do a Couch-Surfing World Tour!

Love and Light (until I show up on your doorstep)!